Motivation And Goal Setting
One of the best and worst things about being human is our ability to be self-aware. I say best because, well, self-awareness sets us apart from non-human animals. I say worst because wow, whoa, self-awareness can be painful. We are often painfully self-aware of our flaws, faults, and perceived shortcomings. Whether we like this self-awareness or not, it makes us special. Self-awareness helps us understand that we, as beings, can grow and change. We can improve ourselves for ourselves.
There are many ways we can self-improve: Some of us want to be kinder to others, to get promoted at work, eat healthier, get more organized, you name it. Some of these things are big things (think lifestyle changes!) or maybe they are smaller. On the road to self-improvement, there are some things one can consider to improve your chances of success.
Mindset
How we approach anything will be related to how we think about it. Our mindset about a task or goal can make a difference as we plan, initiate and maintain a change. Psychologist Carol Dweck has identified two types of mindsets: growth and fixed. Determining which mindset you’re using to approach your world can make a difference in your outcomes.
Most people have fixed mindsets, because that’s what society and our surroundings train us to have. A fixed mindset is one in which assumes our attributes (intelligence, capabilities, etc.) cannot be changed — they are fixed. Little could be done to make changes to ourselves, and any change that would be made would be really, really difficult. Alternatively, Dweck proposes the growth mindset. In this way of thinking about the world, you approach everything with, you guessed it, the understanding that you have the ability to grow and change.
A fixed mindset might approach a challenging task with a fear of failure. This fear of failure comes from the idea that they are not good enough, if they can’t complete the task they just do not have the natural ability to do so. As you might imagine, this could make trying new things or trying hard things (like making life changes for improvement) difficult. Fixed mindset folks might look like perfectionists (I say this as a card-carrying member of the club), who find failure and challenges difficult. For fixed mind setters, failure can be taken very personally.
A growth mindset will view tasks differently and take challenges in stride. Instead of viewing challenges as something to be mastered, growth mind setters will view challenges as learning experiences and opportunities to grow. They won’t view missteps or mistakes as failures. Individuals with growth mindsets aren’t afraid of challenges because they do not expect themselves to be perfect. They allow themselves to fail. Growth mind setters don’t take failure personally, they chalk failure up to learning new ways of being.
After reading those two paragraphs, you might have an idea of where you fall along the fixed-growth spectrum. The fixed mindset is very common because our world fosters that way of thinking about ourselves. Small efforts (such as positive self-talk, embracing challenges, and accepting fallibilities) can make a big difference. In short, to embrace self-improvement, do your best to leave perfectionism at the door. Embrace a growth mindset, take on new challenges, and don’t expect yourself to excel instantly when making changes.
Stages of Change
Now that we have our mindset on growth, we are more ready to accept and make changes that will lead to our personal improvement. It is important to remember that change comes in stages, not all at once. Knowing these stages and planning for the stages can help us be more aware of our own steps in the self-improvement journey. It is also important to note that there are three (3!) whole stages of change before one even initiates a change. Thinking about changes and how we prepare for them, counts!
Pre-contemplation: Pre-contemplation is the stage before the stage per se; in this stage, you might not be aware there is something you want to change or, if you are aware, you aren’t planning to take action in the near future. For example, if your goal is to quit smoking, maybe the thought of quitting has crossed your mind but you have not yet decided to quit in the immediate future.
Contemplation: In contemplation, you’re planning to take action and you’re planning to take action in the immediate future (within six months). If your goal was to quit smoking, this might be when you’re smoking outside of your parent’s house at Thanksgiving and decide that your New Year’s Resolution will be to quit. You have planned a date in the near future to make that change.
Preparation: If you’re thinking about a self-improvement project, but you haven’t started yet, this might be where you are. In this stage, you are preparing to make a change. For someone who wants to eat healthier, this might mean shopping for healthy foods and getting rid of not-so-healthy foods in their home. For someone who wants to quit smoking, this might mean buying smoking cessation aides (patches, for example) to help them step down. Think of all the things you might need to plan and prepare for making a change, they would go here.
Action: This is where it all begins! At this point, you have made lifestyle changes to help you reach your goals. This could mean starting a healthier diet, reducing smoking, being kinder to yourself, or however else you’re self-improving. This is a difficult stage because this is where the action happens.
Maintenance: Once you’ve made a change and maintained it for six months or more, you’re in the maintenance phase. Yes, it will take work to maintain that change over time. For the person who has quit smoking, they may have the urge to smoke a cigarette in the future. For someone trying to eat healthier, this will include continuous maintenance of increasing healthy foods and limiting less than healthy ones. Lifestyle changes are just that — changes to your life!
These stages don’t happen overnight; in fact, for some things, they could take up to a year with maintenance lasting a lifetime. So come at it with a growth mindset and don’t expect perfection. You can recycle through these stages at any time. Just because you got to the action stage and then fell off the healthy eating wagon doesn’t mean you can’t hop back on. Remember your goals and use the stages as a guide to help you get there.
Goal Setting
When it comes to self-improvement one of the things that can move us from contemplation into action is goal setting. Writing down or setting concrete goals creates a “thing” that you can pursue.
I would encourage you to create goals that are attainable and measurable. For example, I like working out and running. An unattainable goal for me would be “I want to go to the 2016 Olympics as an athlete.” Something more attainable (and with a growth mindset!) would be “I want to run three half marathons this year and I want to try my best to improve my time to under 1:45” (still working on that one). As you can see, I used positive language like” try my best.” A component of a growth mindset is honoring the hard work that goes into the self-improvement journey, not honoring the outcome. What if I run a 1:46 half-marathon? With a fixed mindset I might be disappointed, but growth might say,”I worked hard and I almost got there. That is still a good time and learned a lot about running and my body along the way!” My running goal is also measurable. I have a time that I am aiming for. If my goal was “I want to run faster,” it wouldn’t be as powerful. It is too vague. Be concrete with your goals and set them in a way that you can measure your progress in the action stage. Nothing beats setting benchmarks and meeting them.
Now that you have an idea about how to create goals, it’s time to write them down somewhere. Consider using paper (or an app like Evernote) to create a list of three-to-five goals you have. Make one for six months from now, one year from now, and five years from now. Writing your goals down makes them more concrete and can help give you direction. (I learned this from a Lululemon bag and, full disclosure, it works.)
For other goals, it can be helpful to have “reminders,” I am a chronic nail-biter and sometimes I want to not be gross and stop biting my nails. When I do this I actually put sticky notes ALL OVER my apartment and even one inside my car. They say things like “Don’t bite!” or “Biting your nails is gross” or something equally motivating or silly. I have a friend who uses an Expo marker to write positive body image mantras on her mirror every night before bed so she can see them in the morning. Set an image of your goal as your desktop background (say, maybe save enough money to go India on vacation — boom Mumbai on your Macbook). Another great strategy is to journal, either on paper/pen or via journaling apps, about how your goal is progressing. Journaling also offers a personal history for you to review, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Remember
You’re in charge. Whatever self-improvement project you want to take on should be for you, by you, and not for anyone else. We are more motivated to achieve goals that are intrinsic, that are set and for us, rather than those set by others for us.
Little changes lead to big results. Nothing happens overnight, change takes time and a growth mindset knows there will be challenges and setbacks along the way. Look at your list of goals for six months from now, one year from now, and five years from now. How can you make them build on each other? Set goals for six months from now that will act as a stepping stone to your five-year goals. Whatever you’d like to work on, remember it all starts with small steps and planning. You can’t get anywhere unless you start, but the journey is where the growth happens!
