‘FOMO’ Burned Me Out

The first time I came across the term “FOMO,” it was in a personal essay about burning out. I didn’t really know what “burning out” meant either, but I was suddenly very interested in learning all about what I seemed to be suffering from.

FOMO means Fear Of Missing Out, as any Broad City fan and user of social media probably knows. It’s basically when you’re in alert mode all the time. You catch up with all your TV shows, but then you realize you’re slacking on your newsfeed. You’ve read all the most popular books that everyone’s talking about, but wait, have you watched all the Oscar nominees yet?? Maybe you have some extra time on your hands…but I bet you haven’t played that new video game everyone’s talking about! Wait, you have? But I know your secret: your podcast episodes are piling up.

FOMO isn’t about the fact that you can’t have it all; rather, it’s about that anxious feeling that builds up when you think about all the stuff you’re… well, missing out on.

That state of constant alertness might just exhaust you into a burn out — leading you to feel physically incapable of keeping up with your actual routine in the most basic aspects because, emotionally and psychologically, you’re too tired.

This has happened to me a couple of times.

A few years ago, I juggled a 44 hour a week teaching job, night classes every day, and flight attendant school all weekend (as in, from 7am to 8pm, on both Saturday and Sunday). On top of that, I of course had to plan classes and study for my flight attendant school and endless tests, quizzes, exams, and so on. Being this impossibly stubborn creature, I also insisted on making a minimum effort to maintain a social life throughout this whole year, too. I used to go out with friends on Saturday, after class, or on my lunch break.

I forgot to eat sometimes. I couldn’t sleep because of how tired I was, and I’d sometimes black out on the living room couch watching TV. I fell asleep in the shower once, which is every bit as hilarious as it is pathetic. My FOMO back then had more of a career/academic focus…but it didn’t stop there. I was still trying to catch up with everything that was happening all around the world! And watch my dear shows! And never to forget the comics I adore so much! And…how about my writing? I also needed time for that.

Listen: I was not in a very good place. I’m not sorry for completing the flight attendant course (for a job I never pursued), or for overworking an underpaid job (that ultimately introduced me to my best friends).

But I am a little sorry for how I tried to do it all at once.

I’m a little sorry that I felt so damn guilty that I only read 30 books that year instead of 52 — while on public transport, if you’re asking. That’s where I read all the time, but not necessarily for fun. I was trying to catch up.

Here’s the thing: FOMO and burn-out are different things. But one thing can lead to the other. And when they both hit you at the same time, it can be difficult because the consequences that at first seem internal — which is absolutely terrible, but still seem manageable when it happens — quickly bleeds into the external. When it’s external, you can’t pretend nothing’s happening.

I broke down crying a few times in public places. Then I’d get annoyed because I wasn’t sad. I was annoyed at myself for not having it together. For being stressed out that I couldn’t do everything at the same time and have a good time.

I was pissed at myself for being human, and having 24 hours in a day.

With that being said, I have both good and bad news. The good news is that I’m not burned out anymore. I have quite a few things on my plate; but with the help of things like weekly planners, colored pencils, calendars, and countless to-do lists, I can say that I’m very happy and, like I discussed in another essay, I know what relaxes me. The bad news is that the FOMO doesn’t really go away just like that. It gets better, but it doesn’t completely go away. Sometimes, I still worry that I’m not doing enough, not watching everything I’m supposed to watch, not reading everything, not writing everything.

But you know what really helps? Letting go.

If a book doesn’t grab you, let it go. If a movie seems boring during the first twenty minutes, it’s probably not going to get better — so let it go. If you dread downloading the next episode in a podcast, let it go. If you’re forcing yourself to continue a piece or a story, let it go. If a TV show annoys you more than it amuses you, let it go.

Just. Let. It. Go.

It’s a practice. Some things are easier to let go of than others. But like everything, practice makes it easier.

I’ve mostly let go of FOMO in favor of the Let It Go philosophy.

I invite you to do the same.

Do you ever feel pressured to keep up with absolutely everything, sometimes inviting too much on your plate? How can you manage that?